Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet

Video Sewer is well familiar with the outflow - er output - of Seduction Cinema and the various releasing companies associated. Regardless, the Sewer couldn’t help checking up on Misty Mundae, the trampiest l’il tramp this side of TrampTown, even though everyone knew what would happen.

You yourself might wonder what happened, however, so we’ll fill you in: one hour of plotless softcore porn for the god-knows-who set, with minimal attention paid to anything save making sure the cameras are in focus.

Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet features a pair of sexy 20-something alien scientist girls in a poorly rendered CGI spaceship. The two are studying from afar a tribe of ‘primitive lesbians,’ observing their curious habits and getting hot and bothered.

Brief shots of tempera-paint-covered styrofoam ‘computers’ give way to approximately forty-three minutes of poorly simulated planet-side sex, all to the accompaniment of the requisite new-age-techno-wacka-wacka porno music.

In keeping with the poor proceedings, every now and then poorly-crafted CGI dinosaurs burp, fart, or suffer from explosive diarrhea.

All that remains is for the alien scientists to get it on and for the curiously underused Mundae (who recieves top billing) to smear what is presumably a combination of mud, urine and lesbian-feces on herself and her primitive female cohorts.

The Sewer apologises for watching this.

Before a closing credits sequence that features an additional eight minutes of the girls rubbing that curious ‘mud’ all over each other, (this time with a participant who didn’t even appear in the movie) the alien scientists issue this strange message:

“Buy more; prevent accidents.”

Whether this relates to their other obtuse references regarding the habits of those who are watching the movie is unclear, but as the one grace- note of this bereft quickie cash-grab, it’s almost redemptive.

DVD Features

The Seduction Cinema DVD features an even-worse softcore feature from the mid-’90s called Bikini Goddesses, (itself with a Director’s commentary track) a mind-numbing 10-minute preview of Retro-Seduction Cinema stuff and a cart-load of previews for other rotten Shock-O-Rama, Seduction and Retro-Seduction Cinema releases, most of which star the same five actresses, but if you like Misty Mundae, how can you go wrong?