Blair Witch II: Book of Shadows

(This review originally appeared on Themestream.com)

Friends, I’m outraged, and for a number of reasons. Firstly, I learn that my articles will only pay if registered Themestream users read them. So now all the time and effort I put into my work, so the tens of thousands of readers can feel some tiny sense of satisfaction each and every week just for having read it, that’s all going to waste! Baby need a new pair of SHOES!

I can’ts pay the mortgage I got on that second rental anymore, and I know the tenants are going to complain once that tank gives out.

I’m also pissed that Book of Shadows, Blair Witch II got such a raw deal. No one was more excited than I when the Blair Witch Project came out, the first movie to really scare me in 16 years. Yeah, I know, I sound all egotistical.

So Book of Shadows tanks due to comparisons to it’s predecessor, but compared to 90% of the rot that passes as horror today, Book of Shadows is a fairly hefty tome. Just try to ignore the marketing gimmick, “the secret of Esrever” that comes with the video.

Why is Book of Shadows better than most? Cute chicks, for one. Denise Richards may have been ‘all that’ in Wild Things, but now? Uh-uh, girl. But the bitchy Goth chick, the minxy Wiccan and the prudish wife (is this an alternative version of the Gilligan’s Island theme song? ~ ed.) make a very pleasant trio, and then they have an orgy.

That’s not exactly true, but such campy, coquetteish elements add to the enjoyment. The characters are slightly left of the annoyance factor for most teen horror movies, and though too much time is spent with them sitting around yakking in front of video machines, at least they’re engaging.

There’s an air of creepiness under the goofy elements, creating an acceptable level of dread. And then the Wiccan gets nude and dances around a tree. The few scare scenes work, there’s just not near enough of them. That’s the main problem really, if they packed that thing with scares, BAM!

Who cares, none of you will ever watch it, but even though it has serious flaws I think Book of Shadows is pretty good.

So that’s the tale of how my Granpaw was indirectly responsible for one of the worst floods of my town's history. Come back next week and I’ll have that recipe for Turkish Shepherd's pie I’ve been promising.