Blood Beach

I'm repeatedly forced to ask myself "why do I do this?" The answer, my friends, "I do it for you!" Which is why I'm begging you to run to your video outlet and destroy any copies of this movie. It's about a large creature with a big mouth that sucks people under the sand to chew them up. If you make it to the end you can see it for a second, before they blow it up, inadvertently creating thousands more little creatures which would supposedly create a wonderful sequel franchise.

This heap of dramatic sludge is a bomb I hated when I rented it decades ago and I hate it more now. It does remind me of the days before Blockbuster and Hollywood video, when a video store was a nice weird library where one could ponder over marvelous selections of crap such as this, thinking how wonderful the modern age was. Now more than likely you'll simply cruise into 'Mc-Video' and grab the last copy of some crappy new release that you were too apathetic to go see at the theater two months ago. And here's a tip: if you didn't want to pay ten bucks to at least see it on the big screen with the big sound, it's just gonna suck worse on video, but at least you'll be able to get drunk, fall asleep on the couch and snore loudly, try doing that at a Regal Cinema!

So Blood Beach sucked, as it did when it came out way back in 1980. I got some good rest during this one, and then woke up long enough to fast-forward through the last half-hour. Jeeze.