Another Day in Paradise, Lake Placid, What Happened Was ...

(This review originally appeared on Themestream.com)

This weeks National Poll asks the question: "Which kid more deserves to die? A. Hallie Kate Eisenberg (or whatever, who cares? You all know who I'm talking about), or that boy in the Bank of America ads. You know..."they said it couldn't be done, what do they know?" walks around in a little white suit, no one seems to notice him...

Anywhoo, I'm sick of them both. Obnoxious kids out of entertainment now! That should be our battle cry.

Another Day in Paradise

Quentin Tarantino + Bonnie and Clyde x 2 = bloody f-ing fun!

James Woods, Melanie Griffith and two unknown kids shoot up lots of people, shoot up heroin and swear a blue streak in this instructive video. The elder couple are career criminals vaguely grasping at one last score while trying to be good crime-parents to the younger couple, who they helped out after a vending machine caper gone really sour. Or maybe James and Melanie are just using the kids because they themselves are too pathetic to make it on their own anymore. I'm not really sure as I got a little sleepy at the very end (too much zinfandel). However, this breezy, shocking little number with seemingly no ambition far exceeded my expectations. If you can take the blood, the drugs, Melanie Griffith or James Woods, then take the ride.

Lake Placid

Solid old school monster movie with lots of jokes and great special effects. Mostly everyone hated it, and it has Bill Pullman, so I'm sayin' "four beers up!"

Hear Betty White call some sheriffs a very bad name when they criticize her love of a 30-foot killer crocodile. See people bitten in half! Listen in amazement as Bridget Fonda says "Stop throwing severed heads at me"! Keep listening while Oliver Platt elucidates, "I am a civilian. I am not a trout"! Observe Bill Pullman smirking! I can't recommend this any more highly.

What Happened Was...

My wife picks out a lot of these movies and seems to have a knack for finding stuff that I would never touch, which ends up being really weird and creepy and good. This one stayed with me a long time but sounded really stupid and girly to begin with. Two co-workers who might have been flirting or maybe just stupendously bored at work end up agreeing to have dinner together at the woman's apartment. Their 'date' is the most uncomfortable encounter you've ever seen, especially the first thirty minutes of awkward conversation, and it just gets stranger after that. The male lead is played by the actor who was 'Dollarhyde the Tooth Fairy' (he liked to bite his victims) in Michael Mann's 'Manhunter', which just amps up the tension for those familiar with that movie. This is excruciating and scary at times. Worth it!