Halloween III

A sequel just ain't a sequel unless it's basically a remake of the original. That's why Halloween III, Season of the Witch, holds such a special place in my heart, because it has absolutely nothing to do with anything, other than that the events within take place around Halloween. However, slap it up next to the director's cut of Jason Goes to Hell, the Final Friday, and it pales by comparison. Which doesn't mean Friday IX strays far from the formula; I just happened to watch the two back to back recently. Am I sick? I'd already seen both before.

Somewhere in the midst of the horribly obnoxious commercial jingle that permeates Halloween III (the tune is London Bridge, I got sick of it by the age of two), there's a T.V. ad for the original Halloween, placed there no doubt to assure you that you're watching part of the franchise and not being viciously ripped off. By any standard, you're being ripped off.

Here's the plot: Crazy Irish guy creates army of robots to fabricate Halloween masks embedded with Stonehenge powered computer chips. Why? Of course he wants to melt all the little kids heads, causing them to issue forth hundreds of crickets, spiders and snakes on Halloween night. Throw in a cut-rate Robert Urich, (I know it's redundant), who has a sleazy affair with some bimbo while they try to figure what the hell happened to their careers, and you have an eerie, evocative waste of time. Why?

Jason Goes To Hell

On the other hand, there's Jason Goes to Hell. Points off the bat for such a stupid, self-mocking title. Things look to start off exactly like all the other Fridays, until we learn that Jason's more than your average inviolable psycho. Soon enough a bounty hunter played by Mr. X from the X-files comes along to let us know that the only way the completely supernatural Jason can be 'sent to hell' never to return is by another born Voorhees.

Cue the exposition as the remaining Voorhees girls are convinced of the imminent danger. Then make way for tons of gore, malicious behavior, heart chomping and Mark and Brian (of radio fame) as a pair of coconut-headed cops.

As with Halloween III, this movie serves little purpose. What it does serve is some awesome special effects (if you like seeing a guys face get julliened that is), and a breezy attitude to go with the carnage. Plus there's Erin Gray (Silver Spoons) wondering what the hell happened to her career, and the promise of a sequel where Jason and Freddy Krueger duke it out to be the King of Hell.

I'm still waiting.