This is yet another risible early ‘80s hunk of Italian Zombie cheese, and even this self-proclaimed Exchequer of Crap found it tedious and stupid. Until they popped her eyeballs out from the inside. But that was the only good part.

I’m pretty sure I had already seen ‘Hell’ under another name, perhaps Night Of The Zombies or Virus or Zombie Creeping Flesh; it has had many baleful lives. But that’s the chance you take in this realm, and once in a while one of those carnival barker video boxes lures you into renting something you’ve already hated.

Nevertheless, I still couldn’t tell you what it’s about.

The upshot is that some chemical manufactured by a global super-power is turning a bunch of Third-World-ers into cannibalistic zombies. A team of ‘scientists’ heads to newly contaminated New Guinea to sort things out. After half an hour of stock footage of wildlife and tribal dances they encounter about 15 zombies who slowly stagger around in the trees. A group of company soldiers who look like The Monkees mug obnoxiously for the cameras before repetitively forcing themselves on the lethargic zombies. Eventually the zombies get it together enough to capitalize on this situation, and carnage like never before ensues.

Er ... not exactly, because the standard gore effect in this movie consists of quick cuts to zombie mouths pulling what looks like strips of raw chicken off from where they've been gently draped over an actor's forearm or knee. Low-rent, totally ineffective effects go hand in hand with the leaden pacing of this film. Scares are projected well in advance in every scene. If you see a mysterious figure with back turned to the camera, rest assured that you have about 5 minutes to get ready for the moment when that figure turns around revealing he's A ZOMBIE!

No movie is totally without virtue, and just like getting hit in the head with a crowbar can be an enlightening experience, Hell Of The Living Dead, has two bright spots. One instance has the sexy blonde scientist suddenly stripping and painting her body in order to communicate with the native tribes, who quickly begin to revere her. The other is when said lady (at least I think it was her) has her eyes popped out from the inside. Very fake, but very entertaining.

The film ends with a blurry close-up of a cross-eyed zombie, and that really sums up Hell Of The Living Dead far better than I ever could.