The Matrix Revolutions

Sure and the reliance on the color green in the Matrix franchise forces me to adopt a fake Irish accent for this review. Faith, I don’t think I can keep it up however, for the beastie known as Matrix Revolutions makes me like to vomit on me own keyboard.

Where did the Wachowski brothers go wrong, o Lord? They must have believed all the hype, I ken, because they choked big time in following up their ground-breaking (for Western audiences) The Matrix.


Matrix Revolutions (and to a lesser extent Matrix Reloaded) takes everything good from the original movie and wrings all joy and entertainment out of it, rendering Revolutions some class of boring, pretentious twaddle. And especially when you compare this franchise to colleague Peter Jackson’s headstrong and triumphant LOTR trilogy, you got’s to understand the bros W need to go back to movie school.

I love an industry where 2 guys who gross over a billion dollars in a few short years are viewed as failures, but as I was falling asleep on my couch last night, sure and I didn’t love it much.

Revolutions balls up a bunch of (forgive me) neo-philosophical claptrap that no-one can, or even wants to comprehend, in plenty of brain-killing scenes of exposition. Worse, the rewards for this insult are a few action scenes so over-crowded with CGI detail as to be numbing and incomprehensible. George Lucas-level robot battle scenes bore through bombast, while the stuff that made the Matrix look good – black leather wire-work gun battles and karate-fests – is now laughable and clichéd.

Laws, I miss the days when Agent Smith told us that humans are a virus. By Revolutions, Smith is the virus and Neo the Lamb of God exterminator, or something. I don’t really care. Cue up another pointless pagan dance sequence, Wachowskis, then let the audience emulate the only good scene in Revolutions, spoiling the party with a fashion-slick two-handed ordnance assault.