The Fog

The Fog (1980)

Old Sewer always strives to keep its readers up-to-date, so while staffers STILL struggle with the Sewer headquarters renovation, one of us has to carry the torch. If you will. And that means checking in on the latest horror has to offer.

So this week, the editors wanted to get the ‘low-down’ on young auteur John Carpenter’s newest film, The Fog. It seems Carpenter is as scared of Michael Meyers as we all are, and doesn’t want to pigeon-hole himself within the slasher genre, even though we should all have his trouble of being so adept at this exciting new genre.

Anyway, he’s not afraid of hitting the terror nerve at least one more time, and wisely chooses to eschew faceless stalkers for the more commercially viable phantoms (leprous pirates) of The Fog.

Hugely talented (Don’t worry, sexual harrassment lawsuits are pending. - Ed.) Adrienne Barbeau stars as a sultry DJ in a tiny NoCal coastal Hamlet. It’s such a hamlet that she’s not affraid to blather endlessly every two minutes or so on her late-night radio show, broadcast straight from the well appointed studios in the non-soundproofed top of a lighthouse.

Well, how else is she going to see the fog rolling in. The fog that conceals the vengeful leprous pirates.

That’s what ever-confusing ingenue Jamie Lee Curtis wants to know, as she hitchikes into town, confused (despite her immense acting skills) as to her own gender. (Please, we beg you, we are handling the legal matters, no need to sue us. - Ed.)

Though the promise of a decent chiller may seem dim at this point, Carpenter does what he can with the slim, talky script and skimpy budget. The opening scenes of mild fearsome-ness and suspense tick along quite skillfully, with plenty of smooth narcotic tension-building and style.

Then everyone talks about stuff for a while, trying to figure out what’s going on with the gloopy salts (leprous Pirates) and loopy tarts (Barbeau and Curtis) while marking time until the equally stylish finale.

By the time they figure out the deal with the leprous pirates (oops, did I give anything away?) we viewers have figured out that Carpenter might have been fighting some battles of his own trying to bring this ship into harbor. That is; alls we get is one playdoh-faced spectre and a ton of dry ice.

But hey, Carpenter still shows lots of suspense-filled promise with his sophomore effort, The Fog. Straight-faced performances and and deftly handled scenes of eerie fear will please many open-minded fright fans. But if the scary potential of a bunch of vengeful leprous pirates seems beyond the pale to you, well, we at the Sewer pity you and pray for you.