Certain foolish Video Sewer staffers are now UNEMPLOYED and suffering the inability to afford any DVDs to review, not to mention the inability to even GO OUT and watch a movie because of baby Sewie. So: we dropped 9 dollars on one of those 16 packs of junk. You know, four discs with four movies each bundled up in a generic package and sold out of a barrel at your local mega-mart.
Not that I expected different, but these are of course crappy transfers from ultra-crappy sources of mega-crappy movies like War Of The Planets, an Italian sub-cheapie for which there are too few junk-signifying hyphenations.
Arriving in theaters in 1977, War must certainly have been a lightning-fast cash-grab intended to sponge up some dough from those tired of standing in line for the 2 millionth screening of Star Wars, at least it looks that way.
Sporting no plot and a thin message - don't depend on machines - this movie wanders around for way-too-many minutes swirling together a few bargain-basement sci-fi tropes in an aimless and haphazard manner.
Firstly, the crew of some junker spaceship narrowly avoids a meteor shower made up of chunks of painted tinfoil. Then, the cute female crew members walk around in their tight unitards, which is the only good part of the movie.
After the crew lands on a planet of half-naked silver elves, they discover they've been duped by a disgruntled computer, and all sentient beings watching War Of The Planets finish funneling booze down their throats and stagger home.
Time has treated War Of The Planets very poorly, but still it's hard to conceive of a group of artists and moviemakers putting so little effort into something that other people might one day watch. This belongs in the 'so bad it's debilitating' category.
 |
| Keep your eye on the center of the screen. |
 |
| The scary robot shoots at our heroes. |
 |
| At least the scary computer looks mad! |